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Daniel Waters Quotes

Total quotes: 48
“Westerburg Student: Did you hear? School's canceled today because Kurt and Ram killed themselves in a repressed homosexual suicide pact.

Heather Duke: No way!”
— Westerburg Student, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Repressed Homosexual, Suicide Pact
“Veronica: You know what I want, babe?

Jason Dean: What?

Veronica: Cool guys like you out of my life.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Cool Guys, Get Lost
“Veronica: I just killed my best friend.

Jason Dean: And your worst enemy.

Veronica: Same difference.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Best friend, Worst Enemy, Same Difference
“Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.”
— Pauline Fleming, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Understatement, Irony, teenager, Decisions
“Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.

Veronica Sawyer: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on US fucking A Today. That's about the least private thing I can think of.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Privacy, Statistics, USA Today
“Heather McNamara: God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

Veronica Sawyer: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots. It's a real party continent.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Thanksgiving, Hunger, Africa, Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots
“Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: aerobics, Kissing Ass, Dream, Freedom
“I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad every time I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Death, prayer, Praise Jesus, Hallelujah
“My afterlife is so boring. If I have to sing ‘Kumbaya’ one more time...”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Afterlife, Boring, Kumbaya
“Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the West...wait, East. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: true friend, Swatch, Wicked Witch of the West, Pyscho, Diet Coke
“Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.”
— Peter Dawson, Heathers
Tagged: prayer, Ivy League, Suicide
“Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?


Heather Duke: Because I can be.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Friend, Bitch, Mega-Bitch, Because I can
“Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.

Veronica: Yeah? I just got back.”
— Heather Duke, Heathers
Tagged: Hell, Look Like Hell
“You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic!”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: rebel, Psychotic
“I use my grand IQ to decide what lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: IQ, Lip Gloss, Keggers, curfew
“I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Of course, I was coming up here to kill you.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: teasing, I Love You, Death Threats
“You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Barbie, Bluebird, Brownies, Girl Scout Cookies
“Is this a weak turnout or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Turnout, Weak, funeral
“They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Friend, Fuck, worship
“If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human. You’d be a game show host.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Happy, human, Game Show Hosts
“Well, it’s just like they’re people I work with and our ‘job’ is being popular and shit.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Job, Being Popular, Shit
“Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

Heather McNamara: Probably.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Conformity
“Our love is God. Let’s go get a slushie.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Love, God, Slushie
“I shop, therefore I am.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Shopping, Descartes, Cogito Ergo Sum
“The extreme always seems to make an impression.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Extreme, Impression
“Jesus God in Heaven, why'd you have to kill such hot snatch?”
— Ram, Heathers
Tagged: jesus, God, Heaven, Kill, Hot, Snatch
“Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?”
— Heather Duke, Heathers
Tagged: dick, Pulling My Dick
“Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '87.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Grow Up, Bulimia, trends
“Ugh, such a pillowcase.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Ugh, PIllowcase
“Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Brain Tumor, breakfast
“This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: pms, Menstrual Cycle
“My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.”
— Kurt's Dad, Heathers
Tagged: Homosexuality, Privacy, Dead Gay Son
“Dear Diary: My teen angst bullshit now has a body count.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Diary, Teen Angst, Bullshit, Body Count
“Are we going to prom or to hell?”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Prom, Hell
“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Fuck, gently, Chainsaw, Mother Teresa
“Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Death, Afterlife
“Chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Chaos, Dinosaurs
“What is your damage, Heather?”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: What's Your Damage?
“I say we just grow up, be adults, and die.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Grow Up, adults, Die
“Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.

Jason Dean: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?

Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Filthy, Tonsils, Understatement
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