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Casual-Kiwi- Quotes
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What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
—
Casual-Kiwi-
,
What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa?
santa
Phobia
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What kind of organization is Atheism?
A non-prophet.
—
Casual-Kiwi-
,
What kind of organization is Atheism?
atheism
Puns
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Casual-Kiwi-
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We have a choice about how we take what happens to us in our life and whether or not we allow it to turn us. We can become consumed by hate and darkness, or we’re able to regain our humanity somehow, or come to terms with things and learn something about ourselves.
—
Angelina Jolie
,
Angelina takes professor to task for saying myth of Santa causes harms
Choices
Decisions
Lessons
Learning
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Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.
—
Janet Evanovich
,
Visions of Sugar Plums
Holidays
Christmas
Tree
santa
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Naughty children never get any presents!
—
Santa Claus (voice)
(Edward Ivory)
,
The Nightmare Before Christmas
naughty
santa
presents
Christmas
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Libby:
What’s your problem, Freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year?
Sabrina:
And a crossbow!
—
Sabrina Spellman
,
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
,
Season 2
:
Sabrina Claus
Insult
bullying
Sassy
Comeback
santa
Christmas
Holidays
Violence
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Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had very low elf esteem.
—
Unknown
,
50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit
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7-year-old: Santa isn't real.
Me: That's right.
7: But he can still stop here if he wants to.
—
James Breakwell
,
via twitter.com
Christmas
santa
kids
Children
Adorable
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Where does Santa keep all his money? At the local snow bank.
—
Unknown
,
50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit
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I'm telling you, Tommy, that Santa's a bad guy. He's always watching you, keeping track of everything you do, and then in the middle of the night he breaks into your house with a big bag full of who-knows-what.
—
Chuckie Finster (voice)
(Nancy Cartwright)
,
Rugrats
,
Season 2
:
The Santa Experience
santa
suspicion
skeptical
Christmas
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Male & female Reindeer grow antlers, but males lose them in winter. All Santa’s reindeer, Rudolph too, are therefore female.
—
Neil deGrasse Tyson
,
via Twitter
reindeer
santa
Christmas
rudolph
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Jesus and Santa were cousins, everybody knows this!
—
Lydia Riera
(Rita Moreno)
,
One Day at a Time
,
Season 1
:
No Mass
jesus
santa
cousins
Knowledge
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'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun.
—
Santa Claus (voice)
(Edward Ivory)
,
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Dreams
holiday
santa
Christmas
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It turns out that Trump's Scroogian line of questioning didn't cue Lloyd into the fact that Santa might not be real, because she didn't understand what the word 'marginal' meant.
—
River Donaghey
,
That Girl Still Believes in Santa, Despite Trump's Phone Call
Trump
santa
Magic
Trump Likes To Ruin Everything
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The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
—
Unknown
,
50 Terrible, Quick Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand
Pun
Dyslexia
devil
santa
satan
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How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house!
—
Unknown
,
50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit
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How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.
—
Unknown
,
50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit
santa
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God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.
—
Bil Keane
,
Jeffy's Lookin' at Me
Holidays
God
santa
Christmas
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7-year-old: Do you think Santa is making our presents right now?
5-year-old: Maybe not. We were pretty bad.
—
James Breakwell
,
via twitter.com
Children
kids
children conversations
Christmas
santa
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How much does Santa's sleigh cost?
$0, it's on the house.
—
kittycait88
,
How much does Santa's sleigh cost?
santa
Christmas
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Dina:
Budnick, why can't you just go swim in the lake?
Budnick:
Because fish fart in it!
—
Dina Alexander & Bobby Budnick
(Danny Cooksey & Heidi Lucas)
,
Salute Your Shorts
,
season 2
:
Counselor Budnick
fish
lake
Phobia
Water
Swimming
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Prayer doesn't work because someone out there is listening, it works because someone in here is listening. I've paid attention. I've pictured what I want to happen in my life. I've meditated extensively on my family, my future, my past actions and what did and didn't work for me about them.
—
Adam Savage
,
Words to Chew On: Mythbusters’ Adam Savage Delievers Speech For Morality
prayer
atheism
meditation
Listening
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Without God, there’s no structure, no order. With no one at the wheel, we hit the rocks, it’s chaos.
—
Jesse Custer
(Dominic Cooper)
,
Preacher
,
Season 2
:
Puzzle Piece
atheism
Life Without God
God
Ethics
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It’s a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It’s the opposite. We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for.
—
Ricky Gervais
,
Outsoaring the Shadow: Atheistic thoughts on life and death
atheism
Religion
Death
Life
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I'm actually the fourth generation in my family to have no practical use for the church, or God, or religion. My children continue this trend
—
Adam Savage
,
Words to Chew On: Mythbusters’ Adam Savage Delievers Speech For Morality
Religion
God
Church
Family
atheism
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