Casual-Kiwi- Quotes

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Casual-Kiwi-

Casual-Kiwi-

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What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.

— Casual-Kiwi-, What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa?

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What kind of organization is Atheism?
A non-prophet.

— Casual-Kiwi-, What kind of organization is Atheism?

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Related quotes to Casual-Kiwi- tagged Santa, Phobia, Atheism

We have a choice about how we take what happens to us in our life and whether or not we allow it to turn us. We can become consumed by hate and darkness, or we’re able to regain our humanity somehow, or come to terms with things and learn something about ourselves.

— Angelina Jolie, Angelina takes professor to task for saying myth of Santa causes harms

Choices Decisions Lessons Learning

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Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.

— Janet Evanovich, Visions of Sugar Plums

Holidays Christmas Tree santa

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Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had very low elf esteem.

— Unknown, 50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit

Christmas Jokes santa Depression

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Libby: What’s your problem, Freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year?

Sabrina: And a crossbow!

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 2: Sabrina Claus

Insult bullying Sassy Comeback santa Christmas Holidays Violence

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Naughty children never get any presents!

— Santa Claus (voice) (Edward Ivory), The Nightmare Before Christmas

naughty santa presents Christmas

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7-year-old: Santa isn't real.

Me: That's right.

7: But he can still stop here if he wants to.

— James Breakwell, via twitter.com

Christmas santa kids Children Adorable

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I'm telling you, Tommy, that Santa's a bad guy. He's always watching you, keeping track of everything you do, and then in the middle of the night he breaks into your house with a big bag full of who-knows-what. — Nancy Cartwright as Chuckie Finster (voice)

I'm telling you, Tommy, that Santa's a bad guy. He's always watching you, keeping track of everything you do, and then in the middle of the night he breaks into your house with a big bag full of who-knows-what.

— Chuckie Finster (voice) (Nancy Cartwright), Rugrats, Season 2: The Santa Experience

santa suspicion skeptical Christmas

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Where does Santa keep all his money? At the local snow bank.

— Unknown, 50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit

santa Christmas Jokes

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Male & female Reindeer grow antlers, but males lose them in winter. All Santa’s reindeer, Rudolph too, are therefore female.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson, via twitter.com

reindeer santa Christmas rudolph

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The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

— Unknown, 50 Terrible, Quick Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

Pun Dyslexia devil santa satan

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How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house!

— Unknown, 50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit

Christmas Jokes santa Wordplay

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How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.

— Unknown, 50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit

santa Puns Christmas Jokes

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It turns out that Trump's Scroogian line of questioning didn't cue Lloyd into the fact that Santa might not be real, because she didn't understand what the word 'marginal' meant.

— River Donaghey, That Girl Still Believes in Santa, Despite Trump's Phone Call

Trump santa Magic Trump Likes To Ruin Everything

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Yeah, I believe in a higher power and it’s called Whatever Dude and he’s a queer, surfing Santa that’s a bit like my grandpa. So yes.

— Sia, Howard Stern Comes Again

Higher Power Queer santa grandpa

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'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun.

— Santa Claus (voice) (Edward Ivory), The Nightmare Before Christmas

Dreams holiday santa Christmas

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Jesus and Santa were cousins, everybody knows this!

— Lydia Riera (Rita Moreno), One Day at a Time, Season 1: No Mass

jesus santa cousins Knowledge

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God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.

— Bil Keane, Jeffy's Lookin' at Me

Holidays God santa Christmas

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7-year-old: Do you think Santa is making our presents right now?

5-year-old: Maybe not. We were pretty bad.

— James Breakwell, via twitter.com

Children kids children conversations Christmas santa Adorable

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How much does Santa's sleigh cost?
$0, it's on the house.

— kittycait88, How much does Santa's sleigh cost?

santa Christmas

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Dina: Budnick, why can't you just go swim in the lake?

Budnick: Because fish fart in it!

— Dina Alexander & Bobby Budnick (Danny Cooksey & Heidi Lucas), Salute Your Shorts, season 2: Counselor Budnick

fish lake Phobia Water Swimming

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Prayer doesn't work because someone out there is listening, it works because someone in here is listening. I've paid attention. I've pictured what I want to happen in my life. I've meditated extensively on my family, my future, my past actions and what did and didn't work for me about them.

— Adam Savage, Words to Chew On: Mythbusters’ Adam Savage Delievers Speech For Morality

prayer atheism meditation Listening

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Without God, there’s no structure, no order. With no one at the wheel, we hit the rocks, it’s chaos.

— Jesse Custer (Dominic Cooper), Preacher, Season 2: Puzzle Piece

atheism Life Without God God Ethics

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Priest: Don't be afraid, my son. No one is more powerful than God.

Calogero 'C' Anello: I don't know about that, father. Your guy may be bigger than my guy up there, but my guy is bigger than your guy down here.

Priest: Ya got a point.

— Calogero "C" Anello (Age 17) (Lillo Brancato), A Bronx Tale

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