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Andrew Goldberg Quotes

Total quotes: 140
“Hey man I got a medical emergency so I gotta bounce. Jack off twice and page me in the morning.”
— Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Head Push
Tagged: Cartoon Shows, Cartoon Network
“Maurice: I know I'm a broken record with this but mercury is in retrograde.

Andrew: Enough with the astrology.

Maurice: Spoken like a two-faced fuckin' Gemini.”
— Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Head Push
Tagged: Cartoon Shows, Cartoon Network
“All you had to do was kiss a dude. Most straight guys do it on accident.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 3: Obsessed
Tagged: kiss, Dude, straight, make-out
“I've been on this hate diet all week. I just eat cookies and talk shit.”
— Walter, Big Mouth, Season 5: I F**king Hate You
Tagged: diet, mean, Hate, Cookies
“Good night, you prince of Westchester, you king of the tri-state area.”
— Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 1: Ejaculation
Tagged: Prince, tri-state area, Goodnight
“Marty Glouberman doesn't relax. The man eats on the toilet to save time.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Florida
Tagged: relax, Eat, Toilet, Saving Time
“I came here to do two things. Eat some Pringles and get my body rocked.”
— Lola Skumpy, Big Mouth, Season 6: The Hookup House
Tagged: goal, Pringles, Body Rock
“We just need to get through dinner, and then we can do the titty tango.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 6: Andrew's Gonna Touch A Boob Tonight
Tagged: Dinner, Date, tango
“I am scared and aroused, the chocolate and peanut butter of feelings.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 6: Dadda Dia!
Tagged: Feelings, Scared, aroused, combination
“Oh, to be so horny, but so unlovable. It's truly Shakespearean, darling.”
— Mona, Big Mouth, Season 6: The Parents Aren't Alright
Tagged: Unlovable, Horny, shakespeare, Poetic
“Meg Griffin: [Deep gruff voice] You're all my bitches now!

Stewie Griffin: ...ok”
— Meg Griffin (voice), Family Guy, Season 8: Dial Meg for Murder
“Andrew Glouberman: I'm coming, I'm coming.

Hormone Monster: Not yet, that's why we gotta get to the bathroom, Sweetheart!”
— Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 1: Ejaculation
Tagged: coming, Sweetheart, bathroom
“Jessi: Those girls are gonna eat him alive...and then barf him back out because they're bulimic.

Matthew: You're fucking funny. She's funny! We're friends now.”
— Jessi, Big Mouth, Season 1: Ejaculation
Tagged: Girls, eat him alive, Barf, Bulimic, Funny
“The girls should not be punished because the boys won't control themselves.”
— Jessi Glaser (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Girls, boys, punished, Control
“Andrew: Broken-home sex-freak gas-station whore.

Maury: Oh, that sounds like a Billy Joel lyric.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 6: The Parents Aren't Alright
Tagged: Lyric, Billy Joel
“What are you gonna wear? What am I gonna wear? What are my dicks gonna wear? Probably just, like, a cute top and jeans.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 3: Obsessed
Tagged: wear, Clothes, Cute, getting ready
“We've got wet salami sandwiches in tinfoil, a thermos of clam chowder, and some Chex Mix in an old Band-Aid box. Help yourself.”
— Marty Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 3: Florida
Tagged: wet, salami, Sandwich, Chex Mix , Travel Food, Car Trip
“If I was gonna fuck a turkey, I would warm it up, like a goddamn gentleman!”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Sex, Turkey, Warm, Gentleman
“Oh God, you're pale and sweating and shaking. You look like Prince Andrew getting interviewed.”
— Mona, Big Mouth, Season 6: Vagina Shame
Tagged: Similie Examples, Pale, sweaty, Prince Andrew
“You know, Elliot, I've always acted like your softness was weakness, but now I'm beginning to understand your vulnerability is actually strength.”
— Seamus McGregor , Big Mouth, Season 6: F**ked Up Friday
Tagged: Weakness, Vulnerable, strength
“This might be my morning soda talking, but fuck everybody, I'm outta here.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Morning, soda, Caffeine, out, Leaving
“Pressure, yes. Let's get your mom's panini press. We'll make a pan-enis. The house will smell for weeks.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 3: Obsessed
Tagged: Smell, Panini, Gross, pressure
“I'm not nervous. I'm just uncertain how things will go and, therefore, deeply terrified.”
— Matthew, Big Mouth, Season 3: Obsessed
Tagged: Nerves, Nervous, Terrifed
“Nick: I mean until Trump got elected, Harriet Tubman was going to be on the $20 bill.

Andrew: Oh yeah, what happened with that? 

Nick: I think it's gonna be Papa John now.”
— Nick Birch, Big Mouth, Season 3: Duke
Tagged: Harriet Tubman, Papa John, Pizza, Money
“Yeah, I feel like a dirty piece of meat. Like a slab of prime rib that knows what's what.”
— Lola, Big Mouth, Season 3: Rankings
Tagged: dirty, Meat, metaphor example
“Smooches are for the weekend and the last I checked, it's Wednesday. ”
— Lars, Big Mouth, Season 3: Disclosure the Movie
Tagged: Kissing, Smooches , Weekend
“Jay: I'm going to lick the breakfast out of your molars.

Lola: Hope you like Lean Pocket Shrimp Vindaloo.”
— Lola, Big Mouth, Season 4: Cafetaria Girls
Tagged: make-out, kiss
“My whole body is tense, like Joe Biden is whispering a dirty joke in my ear.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 4: The Funeral
Tagged: tense, Joe Biden, Dirty Joke
“Maury: You know, Rick once helped me out of a Costco. You can't find the exit in those places.

Rick: You just gotta look for the entrance. The entrance is the exit, man!”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 5: Re-New Year's Eve
Tagged: Costco, lost, Exit, entrance
“Andrew, I gotta level with you, bud. You are out of shape. You struggle with stairs, and you have a hard time pouring milk. You're going to kill yourself.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 5: Sugarbush
Tagged: stairs, milk, unhealthy, Real Talk, Truth
“It would have been totally within my rights to abandon or abort this kid or make it think I'm its aunt or something. But that's not what I want now.”
— Constance the Hormone Monstress , Big Mouth, Season 6: Rice Purity Test
Tagged: rights, Reproductive Health, Choice
“Missy: Oh, uh... don't worry, I won't mons push you this time.

Andrew: You can mons push me all you want.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 1: I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah
Tagged: Mons Pubis , Flirting
“Judd Birch: Dad, your breath smells like pussy.

Elliot Birch: It always does.”
— Elliot Birch (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Smell, Vagina, Breath, Stinks
“And this whole prix fixe menu is a scam! Who orders dessert at the beginning of the meal, like a serial killer?”
— Marty Glouberman, Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Scam, prix fixe, serial killer, dessert
“If everyone ate just a little more pussy, the world would be a better place, baby.”
— Ladybug, Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Better Place, World, Sex
“Will, if you're a pussy and you're a gaping asshole, then I must be the world's luckiest taint.”
— Elliot Birch (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: extended metaphor, Lucky
“I am not a kid, for your information. I am 60 years old. I remember when Moses was president. ”
— Jessi Glaser (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Rankings
Tagged: Moses, Old, President
“Look, in the future, we're all gonna be either a Lyft driver or a billionaire.”
— Nick Birch, Big Mouth, Season 3: The ASSes
Tagged: Lyft , Billionaire, Money
“You're gonna fellate him so hard, he's gonna forget the Pledge of Allegiance.”
— Mona the Hormone Monstress, Big Mouth, Season 3: Disclosure the Movie
Tagged: Pledge of Allegiance, hard, forget
“I think I thought I was, like, a big dick boy, but I think I was just being a dick.”
— Nick Birch, Big Mouth, Season 3: Super Mouth
Tagged: Boy, mean, Apology
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