1.

“Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.” — Nelson Algren

2.

“I trust only one thing in a woman: that she will not come to life again after she is dead. In all other things I distrust her.” — Antiphanes

3.

“Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.” — Minna Antrim

4.

“Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.” — Marcel Archard

5.

“It was a man’s world. Then Eve arrived.” — Richard Armour

6.

“No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.” — Honoré de Balzac

7.

“Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t have time.” — Tallulah Bankhead

8.

“Here’s to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.” — Ambrose Bierce

9.

“Women are nothing but machines for producing children.” — Napoleon Bonaparte

10.

“To me, girls are just a pain in the ass.” — Brian “The Boz” Bosworth

11.

“Good women always think it is their fault when someone else is being offensive. Bad women never take the blame for anything.” — Anita Brookner

12.

“Even if man could understand women he still wouldn’t believe it.” — AW Brown

13.

“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” — Helen Gurley Brown

14.

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.” — George Burns

15.

“Women hate everything which strips off the tinsel of sentiment, and they are right, or it would rob them of their weapons.” — Lord Byron

16.

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” — George Carlin

17.

“I have always found women difficult. I don’t really understand them. To begin with, few women tell the truth.” — Barbara Cartland

18.

“The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain.” — Chinese Proverb

19.

“Never trust a woman, even though she has given you ten sons.” — Chinese Proverb

20.

“Women and people of low birth are very hard to deal with. If you are friendly to them, they get out of hand, and if you keep your distance, they resent it.” — Confucius

21.

“Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.” — William Congreve

22.

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealing with men.” — Joseph Conrad

23.

“I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.” — Tony Curtis

24.

“Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.” — Marlene Dietrich

25.

“The gods have sent medicines for the venom of serpents, but there is no medicine for a bad woman. She is more noxious than the viper, or than fire itself.” — Euripides

26.

“Terrible is the force of the waves of sea, terrible is the rush of the river and the blasts of hot fire, and terrible are a thousand other things; but none is such a terrible evil as woman.” — Euripides

27.

“God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met.” — Farrah Fawcett

28.

“Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no one likes to have to keep one.” — W. C. Fields

29.

“To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.” — Benjamin Franklin

30.

“The great question which I have not been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does woman want?’” — Sigmund Freud

31.

“Women are like death: they pursue those who flee from them, and flee from those who pursue them.” — German Proverb

32.

“Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs had better get used to it.” — Robert Heinlein

33.

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” — Katharine Hepburn

34.

“A thousand men can easily live together in peace, but two women, even if they be sisters, can never do so.” — Hindu Proverb

35.

“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” — Nicole Hollander

36.

“Man has will, but woman has her way.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes

37.

“No trust is to be placed in women.” — Homer

38.

“There is no fouler fiend than a woman when her mind is bent to evil.” — Homer

39.

“Women’s intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.” — Rupert Hughes

40.

“If the wife sins, the husband is not innocent.” — Italian Proverb

41.

“Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.” — Samuel Johnson

42.

“Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilt and I’ll show you a man.” — Erica Jong

43.

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” — Rudyard Kipling

44.

“In point of morals, the average woman is, even for business, too crooked.” — Stephen Leacock

45.

“Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.” — Kathy Lette

46.

“I have nothing against women. As a matter of fact there’s something about them that I love, but I just can’t put my finger on it.” — Jerry Lewis

47.

“I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.” — Louis XIV

48.

“The people I’m getting furious with are the women’s liberationists. They keep getting on their soapboxes proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That’s true, but it should be kept quiet or it ruins the whole racket.” — Anita Loos

49.

“Women should be obscene and not heard.” — Groucho Marx

50.

“Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.” — Karl Marx

51.

“A man’s women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity…” — H. L. Mencken

52.

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.” — H. L. Mencken

53.

“Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.” — H. L. Mencken

54.

“On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.” — H. L. Mencken

55.

“When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands.” — H. L. Mencken

56.

“I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.” — George Meredith

57.

“I don’t mind living in a man’s world as long as I can be a woman in it.” — Marilyn Monroe

58.

“A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.” — Christopher Morley

59.

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” — Patrick Murray

60.

“Women would rather be right than reasonable.” — Ogden Nash

61.

“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

62.

“Are you visiting women? Do not forget your whip…” — Friedrich Nietzsche

63.

“In revenge and in love, woman is more barbarous than man.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

64.

“When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

65.

“Woman was God’s second mistake.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

66.

“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” — Aristotle Onassis

67.

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…and I also know that I’m not blonde.” — Dolly Parton

68.

“Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” — Maryon Pearson

69.

“There are only two types of women—goddesses and doormats.” — Pablo Picasso

70.

“The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.” — Polish Proverb

71.

“Most women have no characters at all.” — Alexander Pope

72.

“One of the reasons I don’t see eye to eye with Women’s Lib is that women have it all on a plate if only they knew it. They don’t have to be pretty either.” — Charlotte Rampling

73.

“A woman is like a tea bag—you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” — Nancy Davis Reagan

74.

“There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.” — Will Rogers

75.

“The reason that there are so few women comics is that so few women can bear being laughed at.” — Anna Russell

76.

“Women’s virtue is man’s greatest invention.” — Cornelia Otis Skinner

77.

“The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.” — Freya Stark

78.

“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” — Gloria Steinem

79.

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” — Barbra Streisand

80.

“Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of eternity, who has not created me a woman.” — The Talmud

81.

“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher

82.

“Women add zest to the unlicensed hours.” — Allen Thomas

83.

“I hate women because they always know where things are.” — James Thurber

84.

“When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women…” — Leo Tolstoy

85.

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.” — Mark Twain

86.

“Women are an alien race set down among us.” — John Updike

87.

“If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?” — Jenny Weber

88.

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” — Mae West

89.

“When women go wrong, men go right after them.” — Mae West

90.

“I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.” — Rebecca West

91.

“The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.” — Rebecca West

92.

“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.” — Charlotte Whitton

93.

“Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.” — Sean Williamson

94.

“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his.” — Oscar Wilde

95.

“As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.” — Oscar Wilde

96.

“Every woman is a rebel, and usually in wild revolt against herself.” — Oscar Wilde

97.

“Every woman is wrong until she cries.” — Oscar Wilde

98.

“The only way a woman can ever reform her husband is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.” — Oscar Wilde

99.

“An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.” — Earl Wilson

100.

“Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women?” — Virginia Woolf